The following essay is a part of the No Wedding No Womb campaign. We are not judging, but we are hoping to help to turn back the tide.
I wish I could just say KEEP YOUR FREAKING LEGS CLOSED and keep it moving and that would settle the matter. But if it were that easy, we wouldn’t be in this mind-boggling state that we’re in now where a staggering 72% of African-American children born today are born out of wedlock. Yes, that’s right: 72 percent. But let’s get real here. It’s not just about getting married. The fact of the matter is that some people should not make, or have children. When it gets right down to it, what’s really the issue is choosing the right person who wants to be; is good enough to be and deserves to be, a parent—someone who is absolutely committed to being a good one, and as my mother would say, that is more than a notion.
It’s simple: just know who you’re laying down with because chances are, having sex with you is not going to be a life-changing experience. And when he gets up, he is still going to be the exact same person he was when he crawled into bed with you. So if you’re at the point where you have made the brilliant decision to sleep with someone without protection and his behavior up to that point has already shown you that good parental material, he is not; my advice to you is to step away…from the genitalia. It bears repeating, so once more with feeling:
Step awaaay… from the genitalia.
Oh, it’s easy to tell when you should let practicality trump lust and wishful thinking and run like hell. Here are a few clues:
- He always wants to (and I have to pause as I write this because the phrase is just so gosh darned eloquent) “hit it and quit it.” See? Any explanation needed?
- His days revolve around catching up with…hitting up…kicking it with or just plain hanging out with his boys. The activities of the day never progress beyond that. A job you say? Umm… Huh?
- He is honestly baffled about why so many people cried foul regarding an NFL player who has eight kids by seven women (only one of which he married), and in a pinch, couldn’t name all the kids right away.
The village is burning, people. You know the one I’m talking about. It’s that village that it takes to raise a child. Well, half of that mythical village has been burned to the ground by mythical fire wielded by (and here’s the kicker) real-life pyromaniacs, most of who were birthed or made by parents who didn’t want them. Half the village is burned and those left standing are tired—too tired to take care of anymore fatherless or motherless children. This is the reality we’re dealing with here, and there’s no getting around it. And please note that I said “most,” not “all.” I’m not trying to deal in absolutes, but I will say this, fatherless children (and these are mostly the ones who know that their fathers could be in their lives, but have chosen not to be) make up most of the criminal population. They are also at greater risk for depression, suicide, teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, dropping out of school, and a host of other horrible things that make it even harder to survive in this ever-increasingly competitive world. Don’t believe me? Find the statistics here.
There’s no sugar coating it: this is pure insanity. How else do you explain a society where women delude themselves into thinking that bringing a baby into a world in which they can’t afford to support it, the baby’s father can’t support it (and shows no signs of wanting to) will change her world for the better? Or how do you explain a world where a male actually thinks it makes him a man to be able squirt his seed into any willing receptacle and then get up and walk away, never to look back?
Yes, I believe that children are blessings, but I’m sorry, they can also be hardships. But be they angels or bloody terrors, they were not meant to be born to fix broken down relationships, or to make a man stay or to keep a woman under a man’s thumb.
Why bring a child into a world where the odds are stacked against him because of the choices you made? It’s hard enough raising a child in an intact family with two loving parents who can afford him, but to have a child when not even one of these elements is present is potentially dangerous and definitely selfish.
Yes, I know I’ve done men a disservice by focusing primarily on women. And I know there are good men out there and men aren’t the only ones to blame for the current state we find ourselves in. But I wrote the essay this way because women are the ones who can change things. It is a woman’s choice whether or not she’s going to let some male treat her like yesterday’s trash. She can demand better by keeping her legs closed and keeping it moving, like I said. Men can do that too, of course. And who knows? Maybe it will bring about a revolution of evolved thinking.
I can’t be sure about that, what I can be sure about is that you’ve got to love yourself enough to take care of yourself. And if you don’t want to go the keeping it on lock-down route, then for the love of God, use some freaking birth control and know who you’re laying down with! Another reiteration, but I don’t care. It is long past the time to learn how to hate both the player and the game. What have you got to lose? Neither one of them is any good for you. And those truths apply to both women and men.
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